I told myself that I was going to go to bed somewhat early…well, its past midnight and I can’t sleep. I feel as though I’m sort of in this middle place. That probably doesn’t make very much sense, but I think it sums up how I have been feeling lately. Tonight my family sat down with a few different catalogues and decided on Christmas gifts. We’ve been talking about gifts for a few weeks deciding what to get everyone, but these gifts were different. These catalogues were not the kind you could just pick up at any old store. Samaritan’s Purse, Heifer, and Buckner (as well as others, I’m sure) put out catalogues of gifts that you can purchase. These gifts go to people around the world in need. This was a first for our family. We’ve given to organizations and offerings like this before, but never to one where we could physically see what we were giving. For instance, Brady gave some of his money to buy baby chicks for a family and some sports equipment for a community. Other gifts from my family included giving children the opportunity to read from Buckner, blankets to war victims, Bibles and other Christian literature, and a honeybee hive that will go to a few families in Africa, I think. I believe that these organizations use the money given wherever it is needed most, especially if one area of need is more important than others, but it is still really neat to see what the money that we are giving goes for.
As I was looking through these catalogues, I had the hardest time deciding what I wanted to pick out. The two gifts that I really wanted to invest in was sending medical doctors to impoverished hospitals and rescuing a child out of trafficking. These were a bit out of my price range, but as I went through the catalogues I just wanted to give to all of it. It was so hard to just pick one area to help.
I feel like I’m at this place in my life where I’m stuck in the middle. I am a psychology and Spanish major at Ouachita Baptist University. I am a junior that just finished my first semester, and have another year and a half to go of school. I have been asked so many times in the past few weeks what I want to do once I graduate or how I’m going to use my degree. I. Don’t. Know. I simply don’t. I wish that I did, and I wish that it was a clear shot answer. I thought that changing my major that spring of freshman year from Secondary Spanish Education to Psychology and Spanish with a Christian Studies Minor was the best choice because it gave me tons of options. Well, now that I’m close to having to choose one of those options, it doesn’t seem so bright anymore. I still think that the change was best. I was so unhappy with Secondary Ed, and love being a psych major. I just don’t like the zillions of options (especially coming from a girl who freaks at the decision of what to eat at McDonalds…). I just want my life to count and for God to be pleased with it. I want to follow Him more than anything, and for what my decision right out of college to be what He wants too. I know I’ll follow many different “career choices” (possibly) throughout my life, but I want them to all be right.
The thought of grad school and seminary have been heavy on my list lately. But they’re just two of the many options. Seeing those pictures of children today reminded me of how much I want to help people. I really just want to give all those little orphans everything I can and let them have good lives. Most importantly I want to share Jesus with them. I want to help them physically, but what good is it if I don’t feed them spiritually?? None. I can’t sleep right now because of the thought of what and how I can help better the world and share the love of Christ with them weighs heavy on my heart. Jesus tells us that helping and loving the poor and needy are high on His list. The book of James says that true religion is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep ourselves unstained from the world. As I was thinking earlier of my future plans, I was thinking of how they should be practical and use my degrees. I still think my degrees should be put to use, but at the same time, God doesn’t call us to be practical. He calls us to love Him and His people. He calls simple fishermen to leave their families and life’s work and follow a man who was born in a humble little manger to the lowest of people watching-shepherds, who taught radical things and was ridiculed and was then hung on a tree and then was glorified to the highest and who came to save the world. These men are then called to take this beautiful gospel message to the ends the earth and persecuted and hated and killed because of this-by worldly standards. In God’s eyes, this is living the high life. This is the God we serve. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
So here’s to living a radical, impractical life. Here’s to uncertainties, but the hope and faith that God knows all and here’s to keeping all eyes on Him as He leads the way. May it be messy and somewhat logical. May true religion never be tainted in my life. May my heart always be broken for those in need, and all God’s people. May I hate evil and the corruption-such as human trafficking-that occurs in this life. May life be beautiful, always, along the way.
[Side note: I would encourage you and your family or friends to give to organizations such as these, mentioned earlier. There are so many who aren’t as fortunate as us, especially at Christmas time. As we’re opening our Xbox 360s or whatever they are, let’s remember those who can’t live as lavishly as we can. There’s a special joy that comes when we make a sacrifice to a good cause, especially one that’s main goal is to share these things in Christ’s name. If you would like to give, these organizations take donations year round. The links are there if you click on the names: Buckner Orphanages, Heifer International, Samaritan’s Purse, Lottie Moon Christmas Offering. (All money from Lottie Moon goes directly to Missionaries to support them in their work).]
